This post, like many, was difficult for me to write. However, more and more, I am encouraging myself to dig deep and be completely honest on the blog, because this is my community of support.
To put it simply, it’s been a rough week on the healthy living front. I went back and forth in my mind about whether or not to weigh in today. Part of me is constantly reminding myself that, although I might not reach my “presidential” goal, I need to remain accountable. That is what this blog is all about for me: accountability and support.
However, the other part of me knows how detrimental a bad weigh-in can be for my self-esteem and mindset. Sometimes, seeing a higher number than I would like on the scale prompts me retaliate to eat my emotions. So, I decided to skip it … for now.
What didn’t work this week:
Meetings and events filled my week … most of which were accompanied by complimentary eats that I choose not to decline. I am not lying when I said that I had pizza for five … yes, five … meals this week.
But the icing on the cake came Friday night, when, to put things bluntly, I drank too much. “Partying” always creates an inner-battle inside of me. Part of me thinks that I should be okay with going out, having a good time, and indulging in too much food and drink. After all, I am only 22 years old, and that’s what college kids do, right?
Still, the other part of me can think only of the negative effects of alcohol on healthy living: the empty calories and the “ugh” feeling the next day, which often turns me into a couch potato and encourages me to skip my workout and eat crappy food. Lately, I have been seriously noticing the differences between how I feel when I am eating healthy, hydrating with lots of water, and working out regularly versus filling up on junk food, sipping soda, and skipping my work outs. I am definitely struggling with finding a balance between enjoying life, having a good time, and losing weight/maintaining my weight loss.
Finally, binging is still getting the best of me. Part of me knows how horrible these binges are, not only for my body, but also my self-image. When I get the urge to snack unnecessarily and uncontrollably between or after meals, this part of me says no, no, no. Unfortunately, the other part of me still lets it happen. Here I sit, as I type, stuffed, for no understandable reason. The parts of me are conflicted, because I hate that I torture my body in this way, but for some reason, I am not putting a stop to it.