I stayed home sick today. I woke up feeling miserable and had the realization that my body deserved the day to rest, because if I tried to push through and go to work anyways, it would just take me longer to get better. My plans for the have included and will continue to include alternating between napping and resting.
Being sick makes you truly appreciate it what it feels like to be healthy. As you guys know, I have been seriously struggling with healthy eating lately. I have absolutely no willpower when it comes to temptation (especially in the form of treats brought into work or free pizza) and I have been letting binges get the best of me.
I have, however, been taking note of how food makes me feel. When I eat healthy, I really do feel better. I have more energy for the day, something that I always notice during my workouts. To some people, this may be blatantly obvious, but for me, it has been a learning experience.
When I lost over 60 pounds with Weight Watchers, it was by severely restricting my caloric intake compared to my previous eating habits. I often came in under my daily points target. I really wasn’t concentrating on the quality of the food that I was eating, just that it was low in points – or calories and fat.
It wasn’t until I started reading healthy living blogs that I began to have more of a true realization that food is intended to fuel my body. Before (on the old Weight Watchers plan), a bagel thin and a cup or grapes were the same to me, because they both had 1 point. Furthermore, I never even considered trying Greek yogurt, because I knew it was much higher in points than my trusty 1 point yogurt alternative. Now, although I still enjoy bagel thins on occasion, I would definitely reach for fruit first. And I am learning all about the importance of protein and have formed a ridiculous love affair with Chobani.
Although I binge all too often and am not proud of it in the least, I should be proud of all the other changes that I have made in my diet over the past two years. If I were still abiding by all of my old eating habits, in addition to binging, I would probably have gained all of the weight back – and more.
But the fact of the matter remains that I still long for a fit and healthy body every single day. Recently, someone commented to me that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. And while this is probably true, I will continue to be until I reach my goal. I reach for the stars in every other aspect of my life, but for some reason, something is stopping me in this department.
Beyond simply feeling fat and hating the way that I looked in pictures, I’m not sure what really motivated to lose weight the first time around. But I know that seeing the number on the scale drop every week is what continued to motivate me through and through. I need to dig deep and find that motivation once again.
To stop binging, lose the weight once and for all, and have a fit and healthy body would mean the world to me.