Last night I binged.
For some reason, this week has been really hard for me food-wise. I’ve been hungry and craving sweet and salty food like crazy. Last night, being cooped up at home got the best of me.
We got a big snow storm yesterday, so I didn’t head to workout after school like normal. I truly believe that my workouts help to ground me. No matter how on track my eating is during the day, after a workout, I feel refreshed, re-engergized, and want to refuel with something healthy. And even if my dinner choices aren’t the most fantastic, I can always revel in the fact that I got a workout in.
Last night, I felt like a blob on the couch. And when my boyfriend headed outside to shovel, I dug through the drawers and found a package of cookies that I forgot we even had. I took one and returned the package to the drawer. Then, I went back for another. And another. I think I ended up eating five or six before I took control and threw the rest of the package in the garbage. I felt like a fat failure. But instead of stopping, I reached for a 100-calorie pack of baked cheetos, because I always crave sugar after salt. Then, I called it quits.
I felt so defeated after that binge. I have been doing so well, and was so disappointed that I let old habits get the best of me.
I woke up today with good intentions. I didn’t want the events from last night to haunt me like they have so many times before and lead me down an unpredictable path of unhealthiness. I was doing well until my mid-day hunger struck and I reached into my desk drawer and started mindlessly eating chocolate from the stash that I keep to reward my students.
I know myself well enough to know that it is NOT safe for me to keep a giant bag of chocolate candy in my desk. In fact, when we were at Sam’s club, I hesitated when Brad picked that bag out after I asked for a suggestion. Currently, I lack the self-control to really have an endless supply of any “easy-to-eat” candy in my classroom. (Suckers have been a good option so far this year, because they don’t really tempt me.)
Anyways, after three pieces, I had the decency to choose a more substantial snack and nip the binge before too much damage was done.
I went to the gym after school, had a kick ass workout, and even made healthy choices when the BF announced that Noodles and Company was his restaurant of choice for take-out tonight. (PSA: The Med flatbread sandwich from there is phenomenal.)
And despite my slip-ups, I have continued to track everything I eat on MyFitnessPal to remain accountable.
So, even though old habits die hard, I am ready to prove to myself that I can bounce back and settle into a healthy lifestyle once and for all. And part of being healthy means accepting that not everyday can be perfect … and being genuinely okay with it.
I’m getting there.